12/7/13

(Not my kitten)

12/6/13

@Bella I talked to him ^_^ I told him tea afterwards would make me feel better and he said I'd always have a big pot of tea waiting for me when I was calm again. Haha.

I ended up eating today =/ Beets (plain) and rice. I threw up the rice though. It didn't have much chance of staying down haha.

12/5/13

@Bella - I wasn't sure if it would be okay to just *tell* someone what to do to calm me down. Or even if I know what I would say. All I know is that being touched freaks me out even on good days, so it's the worst thing EVER to be held during a panic attack. But I think I'll at least try to tell him what bad things to do are since I know what makes it worse. =/


Problem with telling my bf about what makes my panic attacks worse is that when I was throwing up from stress about how loud and rude the neighbors were (as well as the fact that they said they would call the cops on us if they want to and they apparently hate us and cops freak me out so...yeah), the bf said I should stop over-reacting so much. And while I do realize that my anxiety is a bit out of control (I partially blame my birth control, since I was definitely NOT this bad before I started taking these pills, even the bf admits that), it's not like I can control it or flip a switch and magically be "better". Though thankfully the last few times I got sick our mutual friend (B) was here and he made sure I was okay (without being invasive. This guy is seriously one of the most kind and caring people I know and I think I would go crazy without him as a friend), which was really nice after I fell part of the way down the stairs after throwing up one time.

Ooo isn't my life exciting.

Also we have delicious grapefruit juice (it tastes like grapefruit, not some nasty candy-flavored shit) and soy milk and a can of natural raspberry soda (I don't normally drink soda, but I indulge in one can/glass every 2 or 3 months, and this is the company I usually go to since they don't put as much crap in their soda) so I think I'll liquid fast. The idea of food makes me sick anyway. Like I kept looking at food today and just the thought of eating it made my stomach turn.

Oh well.

I have more important things to do. Like studying for finals.

<3

12/4/13

So apparently our neighbors have told the rental agency that we're like satanists or something and that we are not to talk to them under any circumstances. Which is fine with me as long as it goes both ways. Except they're just being little pms-y shits because I'm assuming the reason they said this was because the last time we talked to them was when they had their music so loud it was vibrating our entire apartment and making me throw up (involuntarily) and we asked them to turn it down and they gave us some bullshit about how it was so quiet they could barely hear it. The time before that that we talked at all was when stupid skanky skinny bitch came to the door to talk to my bf about how we should get a shock collar for our dog to train her out of barking.

Ugh.

I don't want to deal with this bullshit so close to finals.

Also I had 2 fucking panic attacks last night and the bf got pissed off and yelled at me for like 2 hours straight after the first one and then tried to "comfort" me during the second one which honestly made things a million times worse but I couldn't collect myself for long enough to tell him that.

Ugh.

12/3/13

I got 100% on my last essay for my writing course. Fuck yes.

Also rent is due by the 5th and I'm too terrified of the rental agency to go pay it because the downstairs neighbors like to provoke us and then go cry to the rental agency about how horrible their neighbors are. Ugh. Bf said he would go with me to pay it but it appears that that's not happening since he just took off for the day. Woooot.

12/2/13

12/1/13

Bf might be leaving for New Jersey in less than 3 weeks. We're still not sure yet.

I can't believe it's already December. When did that happen?

I'm so tired...