9/16/13 (Boring rant warning)

It's been horrible the past few days... Last night, we were watching a show in which a character I like a lot dies. It was about 9pm when he died (9pm like, in real time) and I screamed (perhaps a bit too dramatically, but once again, it was only 9pm and the neighbors and us had agreed quiet time was 11 or 11:30. Either way, well after 9pm. Except then the show got quiet and we heard the neighbors yelling up at us "Stop screaming" or something to that effect. Which sent me into a suicidal frenzy. Which somehow the bf stayed with me through. Though apparently I was louder than I thought (I was crying like, violently I guess and talking about how much better off everyone would be if I was dead and all that usual stuff, ya know) and the neighbors complained to the rental agency that we were being super loud and the agency told them to call the cops on us next time that happened. Kinda dumb, considering it was THEIR fault I was upset and it wasn't even that late at night.

So I came home and the bf told me what the rental agency said. Which sent me into a really bad panic attack that carried over for another few hours. He tried to get me to leave the house (we had a few things we needed to buy, and he wanted to get me some natural remedies for anxiety) and it took like half an hour because I kept freaking out and crying and clawing the fuck out of myself (I punched my boot at one point and the zipper cut my knuckle T_T) and saying I was too fat to leave the house and I didn't want to stay in the same building as those horrible people who were such hypocrites (they like to pound on our floor if like, our dog is itching herself or something. Basically, if we make any noise, they get pissy) and I was just generally being a nutcase.

He did get me out of the house eventually though and he was totally right. We went to a local nature-y store that sells herbs and teas and natural soaps and candles and a bunch of random stuff. We picked up catnip tea and dried orange to mix with it to make tea (apparently those things are good for anxiety, we'll see) and the bf got me a candy and then the cashier lady was like "do you guys like dark or milk chocolate?" and we couldn't decide and she gave us a bit of each, which was nice of her.

Then we stopped by the hippie cafe where the bf works and his co-worker laughed at me (in a nice way) because I kept cuddling up to my bf (my anxiety hadn't completely gone away at that point so I was still a little nervous about being outside).

Then we went to a shop and I got totally distracted picking out a scented air refresher. Then we went shopping and got a bunch of fresh fruits/veggies. And by then I was feeling loads better and the bf was like, you were so frustrating earlier but I'm glad I was right about you just needing to get out of the house you should trust me next time. And I do give him points for that. He was super patient with me XD Looking back, I was acting a bit insane.

He thinks it's my birth control (I'm supposed to get my period this week SORRY TMI BUT YOU GUYS READ EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT ME SO DOES IT REALLY MATTER AT THIS POINT) because he thinks my anxiety's gotten worse since I started taking it. I think he's right. He said he'll pay for me to go to a psychiatrist to get anxiety meds (I have health insurance, but there's usually a co-pay for stuff like that, like $20 or something). I don't really want to get into pharmaceuticals, but it was still sweet that he offered. =) (He offered this before he looked up natural remedies for anxiety)


So... I guess I'm glad my bf is so sweet and patient?

I'm still a bit jumpy right now but I'm way better than I was earlier today...

Ohh and I saw something funny at the store a few weeks ago =)

It's in the frozen food section and it says "single serve entrees" and on the shelf is just bottles of water XD

Mom loved her pillow and chocolates btw ^_^