The title of this blog is from the book Blood Beast (Book 5 of the Demonata series). I take no credit for it. ^_^

Thursday, February 27, 2014


scarf I made when I was bored over winter break

me being fat

my puppy

puppy looking stoned =3

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


It's snowing and cold and all I want is to be thin.

I really have nothing to say.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


@Bella - would that happen even if I don't actually have an ED? Because I truly believe I don't... I just want to be thin, which isn't awfully abnormal in today's society. That is a good point though. I'm just a bit spooked because in the article I read, it said a lot of doctors don't really let their patients get off it slowly, though they did mention that if a doctor does wean the patient off the medication properly, then it isn't awful and painful and stuff. =3

My cold is getting so much better. I hadn't had coffee in 2 days so I got a Monster Rehab today. (side note: because I do want to be healthy, I asked my boyfriend to limit me to one Monster a month - though I will never be crazy enough to limit my coffee intake again omfg I had the worst headache ever today and as soon as I started drinking my Monster I felt better <3)

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. I'm still undecided on the therapy thing. I'll think it over during my massage on Saturday. My mom got me a certificate (for my birthday back in October lmao) to get a massage, manicure, and pedicure at a salon/spa a few blocks from my apartment. I had the appointment scheduled for this past weekend, but I was sick so I rescheduled it for this Saturday. Whee. I hope it'll help me relax a bit. <3

Monday, February 24, 2014


@Bella - I practically was a zombie XD I was so tired and sleepy all day. Never doing that crazy shit again XD

My mom and my bf are still bugging me about making an appointment with a therapist. But then my mom gave me an article on people getting awful withdrawal symptoms from Xanax after taking their doctor-prescribed dose of it. Wtf. So I'm kinda holding off on that. I dunno. I'm not thin enough to get therapy. Yes, I know it's for anxiety, which isn't weight-related, but still. What if the therapist is just like "just go eat your feelings, like you obviously do cause you're so fucking fat?" I know they wouldn't actually be that rude but still... what if they think that? I dunno. I'll wait until I'm thin. Then maybe I'll deserve it.

Just for the record, I'm not being totally stupid. I am trying to take care of myself and keep myself from going crazy. Like I have a few friends I can call who'll help me calm down and the bf always helps when he's home and stuff. So I'm really not being terribly irresponsible.

Sunday, February 23, 2014


I haven't had any coffee today. It's driving me a bit crazy. I have been downing caffeine free tea like crazy though. I'm trying to get better fast so I can go to class tomorrow.

Bf got me these meal bars. They're 180cals each and apparently have loads of nutrients and stuff. I dunno. It's pretty exciting I guess. I don't really go for the whole idea that you need special diet foods to lose weight, but if I can incorporate something extremely healthy into my diet, and it happens to be a special diet food, I don't see a problem with that.

Saturday, February 22, 2014


I've been awfully sick the past few days. Cough, sore throat, runny/stuffy nose...yep. My puppy's been cuddling the crap out of me.

I also drank a crapton of coffee. But I've been balancing it out with tons of water too because I know you're supposed to stay hydrated when you're sick. Thankfully, not eating isn't even hard. Sadly, bf keeps pushing me to eat anyway. Apparently I need calories to get better. Though in my opinion, if my body needs energy so much, it can just use all the disgusting fat all over me first. Fatass.

Hope you all are doing much better <3

Thursday, February 20, 2014


My puppy again. She loves sitting in that window so much <3

Me back when I had blonde hair (my natural color)

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


I completely cleaned the bedroom, including changing the bedding and everything today. It took half an hour.

The neighbors have developed a fascination with slamming every door as much as possible. It's a bit odd.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Monday, February 17, 2014


I wore sheer tights and knee high socks and boots and a short skirt today.

It made me incredibly anxious and I think I'm going back to my baggy clothes ASAP.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


A picture of myself I took a while ago. Clearly, I have a lot to work on.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Bf wants to make a special Valentine's Day dinner.

I feel like an awful, selfish bitch for dreading it.