The title of this blog is from the book Blood Beast (Book 5 of the Demonata series). I take no credit for it. ^_^

Saturday, August 31, 2013


I'm reading Thin by Lauren Greenfield. It's a book with more material that was collected while the documentary with the same name was being filmed. There are stories about the women at Renfrew (an institution for women with eating disorders) and pictures and a few essays by doctors.

It's an interesting and very sad book.

I don't think I'm ever going to let my diet turn into an eating disorder. I know there's not much danger of that considering how big I am. But it's scary how sad these women are.

Friday, August 30, 2013


My sociology prof is super skinny. Apparently she has 2 kids. And even with that, she's terrifyingly thin. It's kind of distracting in class. I keep wondering, is she sick or just extremely into fitness (her arms look muscular) or does she have an eating disorder? She's really friendly too. And a pretty good teacher.

I'm getting into Chinese again. Like we had to work in small groups (of 2-3 people) and translate a dialogue into English and my 2 group members were relying on me for it. =) It made me happy that I didn't lose all my Chinese skill in the year I wasn't in school.

This weekend's a long weekend. Someone save me...

Thursday, August 29, 2013


The boy keeps making baked mac and cheese and tofu and homemade bread (the current one is a sweet apple bread). I'm hoping if I stick to my yogurt and apples and spinach I'll be okay...

Honestly all that junk food grosses me out. =/

I wish I was thin.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


I'm studying psychology and linguistics but the classes I'm taking this semester are Quantitative Methods (math-based psych class), Abnormal Psychology, Chinese 201, Sociology, and GSW, which is a general education requirement English course.

I'm going mildly crazy... not only homework, but also cleaning and reading and everything.

I finished Stick Figure. I really liked it actually. It is a recovery book, but it's a very good read.

Monday, August 26, 2013


The first day of class was kinda fun today. Is it bad that I'm actually a little excited about how much homework I have already? Haha. I'm sure I'll be miserable about it soon.

Dinner at my mom's tonight was terrible. So much food... but it's all I ate today so hopefully the bike riding all over campus will have lessened some of the damage.

Sunday, August 25, 2013


Going to try to get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight since my first class is at some ungodly hour like 9:30 or something. XD

Dinner with my mom tonight. Kinda scary!


Saturday, August 24, 2013


@Frodette - how do you escape the dentist your entire life?? O_O Dayum.

Stick Figure's pretty good so far. It's kinda funny/sad, though I'm not adding it to my list of favorite books yet. XD

The boyfriend and I keep having horrible fights and I accidentally slammed my thumbnail in the window today so it hurts like a BITCH. It's okay though. I probably deserve it.


Friday, August 23, 2013


Don't worry, Bella - I hadn't been in years either. XD I kept putting it off once I started making myself throw up because I was terrified they would find out. They didn't notice any sign of it while I was there, which is a good thing I think...

Totally scared of getting my wisdom teeth removed though. T_T

School starts on Monday! <3 I'm already frantically reviewing Chinese! Haha XD


Thursday, August 22, 2013


Ugh leaving for the dentist in 45 minutes.

I have to wear a dress because wearing leggings/jeans hurts my leg. I fell yesterday and even though I was wearing leggings (they escaped unharmed), I have a 2 inch cut on my leg and it's horribly bruised, so even the slightest touch hurts like hell. Ugh.

I'm hoping a dress and heels and shiny earrings will distract people from how fat I am and how fucked up my leg is.

I'm currently reading a book called Stick Figure by Lori Gottlieb. It's... interesting so far I guess. It's written from the perspective of an 11 year old girl, which is odd. I think I prefer books from the perspective of young adults or adults or an omnipotent narrator... >_< I do plan to finish it though. =)

<3 Wish me luck!

So I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. Scary! >_<

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I've been really sick the past day or two. Like, normal cold stuff (runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, blah blah blah) but I think I have a fever or something cause like I'm sweating but I feel cold. And I'm dizzy.

The bf has been super nice though. He doesn't mind at all that I'm sitting around playing video games and reading. Haha.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Ugh. I'm trying to get out of it but I highly doubt it'll work.

And my period's late. Well... almost. Haha okay this isn't a period blog so I'll shut up. =3


Tuesday, August 20, 2013


It's super hot today so all I want to do is sit around drinking ice water and peppermint tea. My puppy's running around like crazy though. It's kinda funny.

Hope you all are doing well. <3

Monday, August 19, 2013


Blah... dinner at my mom's today. I'm kinda nervous about it. She's constantly dieting so she always tries to feed everyone else. Especially me. Grr.

I'm reading The GIrl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest at the moment. =) It's really, really good! I love these books. =)

Sunday, August 18, 2013


I've been rereading Harry Potter (reading the second one atm) and watching PLL recently. Oh and playing Assassins Creed. ^_^ Trying to enjoy the last remaining week of summer.

And I'm ordering my new textbooks tomorrow. Yay! <3 Though I can only order them for 3 of my 5 classes since one prof said her booklist is messed up so we shouldn't order stuff until the start of the semester and the other prof wants us to get the instructors edition and I'm like... uh wtf?


Also my puppy keeps spazzing at random stuff. =) It's adorable! 

Saturday, August 17, 2013


So we've moved into our new apartment =) We're not completely done unpacking yet, but it's already lovely here. ^_^ In the closet, there's a set of stairs that open up so you can store stuff in each step and there's a small window and it's so nice to sit there and read or whatever. ^_^ And our apartment is on the second floor so the windows open out onto the roof. Haha not sure if we're technically allowed to go out there, but we did and it's pretty cool. ^_^

My eating's been weird here since I have no routine at all thanks to all the unpacking and moving and getting settled in. It's okay though. School's starting soon! <3

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Paid tuition today, rental agency informed us that we're moving on THURSDAY not FRIDAY like they originally said. Normally I'd be ticked off about this but the new place is so cute and I've been so stressed out about this move I just want to get it over with. >_<

I made bf dinner last night. =) tri-color pasta spirals with cheesy pasta sauce that had bell pepper, chick peas, and tofu in it. Also made him iced black tea with honey, raspberry flavoring, and lemon. And chocolate chip cookies for dessert. =) He was quite happy about it.

And I finished getting my school supplies last night. I have about $30 for the rest of this month that aren't dedicated to buying textbooks so that's going to be fun. XD Bike isn't getting sold until next week at earliest ($60 or $80) and I haven't sold my textbooks yet. Dunno why I'm freaking out about it though. My parents are more than willing to provide me with money, especially for school stuff. Eh I just want to be independent I guess.

School starts August 26! <3

Monday, August 12, 2013


The boy got a second job. His first job is 11-4/5 every day (sundays off). His new job is 5-1(am) every day, weekends off. >_<

Is it bad I'm actually happy about this? I'm looking forward to all the alone time... <3

Had dinner with my mom tonight. There was baked broccoli (cooked in oven with little bit of olive oil and pepper/salt), whole wheat three cheese tortellini, romaine lettuce, homemade marinated beets, chocolate, white wine, tea, and berries (strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries).

I am stuffed beyond belief right now.

Also I got 2 boxes of chocolate from Russia. >_< Family... they'sh some crazy bishes.


I love my family. <3

They might be a little crazy, but they're mine and they love me, so everything's okay.


Sunday, August 11, 2013


A girl called me sexy yesterday. I only left the house once for like 30 minutes. 45 tops. Lesson? Don't leave the house. Dear god.

Is it strange that I crave the mania and busy-ness of school? Of homework and classes and studying and snapping at people to leave me alone I'm STUDYING DAMNIT WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT.

Also I've developed a slight obsession with Assassin's Creed. I can't stop playing it! >_<


Saturday, August 10, 2013


The boyfriend has me on an emotional roller coaster. One second he's super loving and kind and I can't do anything wrong in his eyes, the next second I'm the most useless pile of shit he's ever seen. It's like he can't decide.

We randomly had a fit of mania last night (yeah, both of us at once! XD weird) and I gave the puppy a flea bath and he vacuumed every inch of the apartment. Including under the couch and bed, where he normally doesn't vacuum since it's a pain in the ass to move. I'm covered in scratches and bruises now because my puppy really does not like baths. XD Like, at all. She doesn't get violent, she just really struggles to get out and you have to hold her super tight and make sure she doesn't hurt herself by falling or hitting her head against something.

But she smells super good now. =) And there's like no fleas on her. So... yay?

We're moving in less than a week. So terribly excited for that! <3

Friday, August 9, 2013


Haha... I don't really go out either, Bella. It's quite a struggle to get me to go out to a bar or anything. Though the music at goth night is AWESOME. Plus there's crazy people dancing. It's like a tame rave, especially with the lights and how everyone is friends. =)

The bf got me caffeinated water. It's a bottle of water that's caffeinated. According to the bottle, it tastes like normal water and it has the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee. XD No idea if it tastes good, though I'm curious to find out.

He's making a veggie-heavy dish for dinner tonight. Super yay. It includes homemade hummus. <3 (We buy bags of dried chickpeas and I practically devour them when we soak them to soften them... chickpeas are godly)

Stuck at 59.1kg.

Should I blame chickpeas and apples? Kinda seems weird to.

My mom got back to the states last night. She wants me to come over for dinner on Monday night. Terrified! I don't want to eat dinner with my mother. At least the bf doesn't get bitchy if I don't eat, he just tells me to eat later and gets a bit upset and overprotective when I get dizzy. Lol I'm too fat to have these problems...


Thursday, August 8, 2013


Goth night sucked. I cried for like an hour before we left because I was just too fat. Ended up going and dancing a bit though, so I guess that's good? My friend who I call Monster Guy brought me two pink lemonade rehabs. ^_^ And some random chick said I looked hot.

I'd rather have looked skinny.


Wednesday, August 7, 2013


We're dragging a friend to goth night tonight. He's a terribly innocent 18 year old, so it should be fun... XD

Moving in 9 days! <3

I don't want to go to goth night. I'm too fat. Apparently a few people are looking forward to seeing me there again. It's pathetic that that's too much pressure for me to handle right now.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


Haha XD Oh my God I just realized I've been writing the date wrong on my posts... oops. >_< Totally forgot it's August

Yeah he is sweet for indulging my book problem =) And my video game problem. And just... all my problems. XD

We're moving in 10 days. We still haven't started packing. >_< Oh well. Haha. It'll be fine. =)

I can't wait until the school semester though <3 Is it bad that I love school?

Also I made a delicious tea <3 2 bags of green tea, one bag of raspberry tea, and two slices of lemon. The lemon slices are floating in the pitcher that's in the fridge. It's wonderful <3

Monday, August 5, 2013


Haha the dress/tshirt thing was stolen from my boyfriend XD I love stealing his tshirts and wearing them with leggings and boots.

Ugh we went to the grocery store last night.

I got really dizzy and nauseated for some reason so I was absolutely useless. Which meant the bf made all food decisions. Bad idea.

-frozen pizza
-pasta (dry)
-pasta sauce (jars)
-sweet pickles
-all natural fruit candy
-bell peppers


He got enough food to last like 2 weeks. Ugh.

I mean, it was his own money and at least he did get SOME healthy stuff. Still though. Boys. >_< Ew.

But now I have lemons to put in my tea, which is pretty awesome. <3

Thanks for the comments on my last post btw >_<

Haha my bf is encouraging my book problem! He noticed I have too many books to fit on my one bookshelf, so he said he's going to get me another bookshelf or two when we move. Yayyy!


Saturday, August 3, 2013


Haha I'll try not to spend it all on Monster =P thanks! Might spend it all on books though >_<

The bf has gotten me a box of all-natural fruit roll-ups
Also chocolate cake, poptarts, and KIND bars.

What in fuck.

Proof that I'm too fat to be eating anything:


Friday, August 2, 2013


Haha... Bella, I have been doing that XD peppermint tea is my best friend atm.

That postsecret reminds me of my friend o_O Except he's 18. But same thing really. Haha. Oh well. He's a really sweet person and a great friend. It just takes a lot to get him to leave his house. XD

Oh god... my puppy doesn't snore at all ^_^ she's super quiet. Except she flips the fuck out when she sees ANYTHING outside. Like even if it's a bee or something. >_< Still adorable though.

Ugh I have so much to do before the school year starts in like... 3 weeks. Crap. >_< I have to sell my old textbooks, get my new textbooks, pay the tuition bill, get school supplies, catch up on my Chinese... omfg.

And hopefully find a part-time job. Just because I want my own income. Mom's monthly allowance ($100 T_T) isn't quite enough XD I mean, the bf buys all the necessities, but I'd still like my own money, you know?


Smart phone apps are ridiculous... so distracting XD I have a sudoku app. Oh god. >_< It's lovely. <3

I just gave the dog a bath. Oh my god. She does not like water. At all. >_< It was a bit of a workout keeping all 30lbs of pure energy in the shower while I was letting the flea shampoo sit like you're supposed to. >_< But that's good, right?