12/5/13

@Bella - I wasn't sure if it would be okay to just *tell* someone what to do to calm me down. Or even if I know what I would say. All I know is that being touched freaks me out even on good days, so it's the worst thing EVER to be held during a panic attack. But I think I'll at least try to tell him what bad things to do are since I know what makes it worse. =/


Problem with telling my bf about what makes my panic attacks worse is that when I was throwing up from stress about how loud and rude the neighbors were (as well as the fact that they said they would call the cops on us if they want to and they apparently hate us and cops freak me out so...yeah), the bf said I should stop over-reacting so much. And while I do realize that my anxiety is a bit out of control (I partially blame my birth control, since I was definitely NOT this bad before I started taking these pills, even the bf admits that), it's not like I can control it or flip a switch and magically be "better". Though thankfully the last few times I got sick our mutual friend (B) was here and he made sure I was okay (without being invasive. This guy is seriously one of the most kind and caring people I know and I think I would go crazy without him as a friend), which was really nice after I fell part of the way down the stairs after throwing up one time.

Ooo isn't my life exciting.

Also we have delicious grapefruit juice (it tastes like grapefruit, not some nasty candy-flavored shit) and soy milk and a can of natural raspberry soda (I don't normally drink soda, but I indulge in one can/glass every 2 or 3 months, and this is the company I usually go to since they don't put as much crap in their soda) so I think I'll liquid fast. The idea of food makes me sick anyway. Like I kept looking at food today and just the thought of eating it made my stomach turn.

Oh well.

I have more important things to do. Like studying for finals.

<3